The Mom I'd Like To Be

There are some pretty famous 'moms' out there and I'm not necessarily talking about celebrity-famous.  We've all seen them.  The mom in her perfectly trim 'errand running' outfit dropping the pristine kiddos off at Preschool, or the mom that always has her hair perfectly styled and nails immaculately manicured, or the mom that has never stepped out of the house with her shirt on inside out, or backwards, or spit up on, or <gasp> the same one she wore yesterday.

I see these moms and always IMMEDIATELY think, 'wow...I wish I was like that.' as I mentally go over every thing about myself I would change.  After the self-loathing, I realize...I am me.  I am not them.  Sure, maybe they 'look' fantastically put together, but maybe they are in a loveless marriage.  Sure, maybe their children walk happily and quietly beside them, but maybe that's because their children aren't allowed to get dirty.  Sure, maybe their perky little bodies fit into a negative sizing chart, but maybe they sacrifice cuddle time and sharing family dinners for one more workout.

And maybe...JUST maybe...they look amazing, have well mannered children, are married to the most amazing man possible for them, have oodles of adoring friends that would drop everything to be at their side, have a close relationship with God, enjoy a healthy bank account, and...and that's okay.

It's okay because I cannot compare my life to someone else's life.  My life consists of growing my relationship with God, sharing yummy food with my family, getting dirty in the mud, balancing family and work, adoring my husband, training the littles to be big someday,  and being a better person.  Sometimes I miss a training run because the kids have activities - they'll only be kids for awhile and their memories make it all worthwhile.

I most definitely do not have it all together.  This Valentine's Day we barely managed to address the store-bought cards late last night...but it got done.  Over the last few weeks, as Zoe birthday approaches, the sweetest thing happened. The kids get to choose their birthday dinner.  After each din-sup at our house, Zoe announced she wanted 'this' to be her birthday dinner. There were multiple changes to Wednesday's dinner menu. I think she has finally settled on these really yummy Chicken Parmesan Wraps. I love that the kids love my cooking. I love that the kids choose to eat something I make instead of wanting to go to a restaurant. I love that they get excited and each have lists of favorite things I make for them. This is exactly the mom I am proud to be.

We are given the children that we are meant to parent. I wholeheartedly believe that statement.  My successes and failures are what they need. I absolutely am not perfect, but I'm perfectly suited for these littles...as they are perfectly suited for me.

I'm happy and content with my life...and who knows, maybe some mom out there sees a snippet of my life and thinks, 'wow...I wish I was like that.'

I am a mom, no wait, an employee, no wait, a wife, no wait....

I remember when the question, 'What do you do?' was simple.  Not that I have memories of anyone asking me that question when I was a child, but I can imagine my response would be something like, 'I annoy my sister' or 'I take naps' or 'What do I do? What do you mean? I don't do anything.'

Time passed...

The answer could have been more detailed, as my life got more detailed.  Blessings for everyone around that I was shy and absolutely not comfortable talking about myself.  So my answer, at that time, would be something like, 'homework' or 'I play volleyball/basketball' or 'What do you mean? I don't do anything.'

Time passed...

Kids were born.  I still worked outside the home.  Thankfully, my employer LOVES family and I was able to take both E and Q to work with me.  I work for a small company, so there was lots of 'help' if I had a conference call or if clients were in the office.  Two grandmother's (one biological, one non-biological?) made my job easier.  When asked, at that point, my answer was more like 'I'm a working mom' or 'I dream of sleep' or 'What do you mean? I do everything!'  I felt like I was burning both ends, but doing a fairly good job.

Time passed...

This year, we added Ben.  I still work (from home).  B, like E and Q, stays at home with me, while I work.  Let me clarify...while I attempt to work.  I live in a larger home than ever before - totally NOT bragging here - I'm saying there's so much more work to put into keeping the house.  I am married to the best man I've ever known (excluding my Papa from that list, of course) and I find myself wanting to be a good wife, too.  So the answer now is more like, 'I am Melissa...I do a lot, but nothing 100% well.'

I'm at a crossroads here.  Do I continue to attempt to be the cookie-baking, lunch-making, note-in-the-backpack-sneaking, quality-time-spending, story-telling momma?  Do I continue to attempt to be the dinner-ready-at-5, laundry-pressing (who am I kidding?), lunch-making, love-note-on-the-mirror-leaving, attentive wife?  Do I continue to attempt to be the 8-5-working, 100%-productive, on-top-of-my-game, save-the-day employee?  Do I even attempt to be all of those things AT ONCE???

Or...do I just be 'Melissa'?  Who happens to be (today anyway) a food-preparing, kisses-before-bed, hugs-anytime, attentive-listener, back-rubber, milk-producer, customer-biller, idea-provider, God-loving, floor-sweeping, Christmas-tree-decorating woman of the not-100%-clean house.  Amen to that.